Go the F to sleep!

Sweet Caroline,

This used to be what you did with the bulk of your day. Napping. Do you remember napping? It was awesome.

My sweet girl... it's 2pm. Do you know what that means? That means it's naptime for Ookie Bear, and you need to go the F to sleep. That does not mean call my name, "accidentally" throw toys out of your crib for me to fetch, or plot devious ways to get into trouble later this afternoon. It means lay down, be quiet, and sleep. For like... 2 hours. Please. If not for you, than for me. Mommy has an intense amount of crap to do that can't be done with your sweet, sweet help. Lesson plans need writing, toilets need scrubbing, and hey, Angry Birds need birding. That's right, even mommies sometimes need to do nothing, which can't be done if you don't nap.
Also, you are not my sweet girl if you don't nap. You are a foul, mean, cranky thing and we both know it's best if you are the sweet girl. You're very smart. I know you can do this. You can count to ten (ignoring 4-7, because they apparently don't matter to you). You know an amazing amount of letters and colors, which you can show off to me at any time but when you are supposed to be sleeping.
And when you are supposed to be sleeping... is now. I can hear you! I know it's our fault, because we made the mistake for months of running to your every whimper convinced that if we didn't we were destroying you emotionally. We know better now. We know that you're clever, and sometimes devious. It's hard for me and Daddy sometimes to accept that you're our big girl two year old, and capable of manipulation. You know that we're here for you, and we would never, ever leave you to "cry it out" if you really needed us. I think that with that in consideration, you could occasionally cut us a break from the emotional abuse of whimpering our names knowing that it kills us to be firm and not run to you.
Even now, I ran to your room after you cried out for me. Glad I did, because you had your cell phone stuck in your pant leg.
Cell phone. Stuck. In pants. I don't even know where to start with that. How did you sneak your phone into bed? Why was it in your pants?
No matter... I fixed it.

So please, please, please... go to sleep. Because if you do, there's a teeny, tiny chance that Momma could nap too.

Love,
Momma

This is what you do with the bulk of your time now. You are a crazy, joyous ball of energy and we love you. But you still have to sleep sometimes. Like now. Now would be great.